10 MOVIES THAT WILL HELP YOU GROW CHEST HAIR

WRITTEN BY MOTHERFUCKING VANITAS

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SOME OF THESE MOVIES ARE GOOD. SOME OF THESE MOVIES ARE MEH. BUT YOU HAVE TO WATCH THEM OTHERWISE YOU WOULDN’T CLICK ON A LIST THAT WOULD HELP YOU GROW CHEST HAIR. STOP BEING THE DAUGHTER YOUR FATHER NEVER HAD UNLESS YOU ARE A GIRL then I really don’t know why you clicked on a list that would help you grow chest hair, but no judging, really, follow your heart on these matters, if I was a girl I wouldn’t give a shit about shaving tbh. BUT I AM A MAN AND I WILL HELP YOU BECOME A MAN EVEN IF IT’S BIOLOGICALLY IMPOSSIBLE.
NUMBER 10: HARDCORE HENRY
WAKE UP, SEE ENEMY, KILL ENEMY. IN MOTHER RUSSIA. HENRY IS A BADASS CYBORG PROGRAMMED TO KICK ASS. THE PLOT SUCKS A LOT BUT THERE’S A LOT OF ASS KICKING AND MANLY MOMENTS.
MANLIEST MOMENT: WHEN HENRY TAKES ON A FUCKING TANK.
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NUMBER 9: SAVING PRIVATE RYAN
A SOLDIER IS LOST BUT WE DON’T LEAVE ANYONE BEHIND. A CREW OF THE MANLIEST MEN THE WWII HAS EVER KNOWN (except from one guy that doesn’t do anything till the last second) ARE ORDERED TO FIND PRIVATE RYAN AND SEND HIM HOME. WHEN THEY DO THEY ARE SURROUNDED BY GERMAN AND WHAT DO THESE DEMIGODS DO? THAT’S FUCKING RIGHT FIGHT TO THE DEATH BECAUSE AMERICA.
MANLIEST MOMENT: WHEN TOM HANKS SHOOTS A FUCKING TANK WITH A PISTOL THAT’S GONNA RUN HIM OVER.
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NUMBER 8: DJANGO UNCHAINED
A BLACK SLAVE AND A GERMAN WALK INTO A BAR. IT’S NOT A JOKE IT’S THE PLOT OF DJANGO. DJANGO WAS A SLAVE, DJANGO STOPS BEING A SLAVE, DJANGO KILLS CRACKERS, DJANGO SAVES WOMAN THE END. A MANLY STORY OF A MANLY MAN.
MANLIEST MOMENT: THE BIGASS MOTHERFUCKING EXPLOSION AT THE END
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NUMBER 7: ROCKY IV
DO YOU REALISE HOW MANLY THIS LIST IS IF ROCKY IS IN THE 7TH PLACE? A MOTHERFUCKING BEAST ASS 3-METERS TALL 400KGS PURE MUSCLES RUSSIAN KILLS ROCKY’S FRIEND IN A BOXING FIGHT SO ROCKY TAKES HIM ON. IN A BOXING FIGHT. IN THE HEART OF MOTHER RUSSIA. HIS FUCKING NAME IS DRAGO. DO YOU KNOW WHY HE MISSES THE N? CAUSE HE HAS NO NPITY FOR ANYONE. WATCH TWO MEN FIGHT FOR 2 HOURS TO PROVE WHO HAS THE BIGGEST BICEPS.
MANLIEST MOMENT: WHEN THE MOTHERFUCKING RUSSIAN DROPPED
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NUMBER 6: THE MATRIX 2
A FUCKING GUY DODGES FUCKING BULLETS AND TAKES ON 150+ TRAINED ASSASSINS KUNG-FU STYLE WHILE LOOKING SLICK AS FUCK, OUTFIT ON POINT, MAFAKIN NEO IS THE CHOSEN ONE AND YOU ARE NOT.
MANLIEST MOMENT: WHEN THE GREATEST THREAT ON THE PLANET X1000 ATTACKS NEO AND HE KICKS THEIR FUCKING ASSES
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NUMBER 5: JOHN RAMBO
WATCH THE GUY FROM ROCKY GIVE UP BOXING AND TAKING UP THE JOB OF KILLING MOTHERFUCKERS UNTIL THEY ARE DEAD. 1 MAN VS 1000 NEVER FELT BETTER. RAMBO IS THE FUCKING GOD OF WAR, GUNS BLAZING, HEADS EXPLODING, SWEAT AND CHEST HAIR EVERYWHERE.
MANLIEST MOMENT: THE MACHINE-GUN SCENE
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NUMBER 4: DIE HARD
ONLY THAT THE PROTAGONIST WON’T DIE HARD. WATCH BRUCE WILLIS FUCK UP PEOPLE FROM START TO FINISH NOT GIVING A SHIT ABOUT ORDERS AND MORTAL THINGS LIKE THAT. YIPPEE KI YAY MOTHERFUCKER EVERYONE TO THE FUCKING GROUND.
MANLIEST MOMENT: WHEN HE INFORMS THE FUCKING BAD GUYS THAT MOTHER FUCKING MCKLEIN IS COMING BITCHASS GOONIES.
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NUMBER 3: BRAVEHEART
HIS FUCKING NAME IS BRAVEHEART. HE COULD WEAR 15-INCH HIGH HEELS AND STILL BE MANLIER THAN A RAW STAKE WITH BBQ SAUCE ON 4TH OF JULY. MEL GIBSON FUCK UP TEA-DRINKERS FOR KILLING HIS WIFE AND HE IS GODDAMN RIGHT FOR DOING SO. IF YOU WATCH THIS MOVIE YOU ARE GUARANTEED 2 EXTRA INCHES ON YOUR PENIS AFTERWARDS.
MANLIEST MOMENT: WILLIAM’S SPEECH BEFORE THE EPIC FIGHT
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NUMBER 2: GLADIATOR
HE IS BEAUTY HE IS GRACE HE IS FUCKING UP THE PLACE. WATCH THE MOST FUCKING BADASS ROMAN GENERAL GET BETRAYED AND ENDS UP IN THE ARENA. HAHAH YOU THINK THIS IS GONNA STOP MATHAFAKIN MAXIMUS? THE BITCHASS EMPEROR THAT BETRAYED MAXIMUS AND THAT YOU HATE FROM THE START GONNA GET SOME MAXDICK AND HE KNOWS IT.
MANLIEST MOMENT: WHEN MAXIMUS REVEALS WHO THE FUCK HE IS TO THE EMPEROR
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NUMBER 1: 300
MOTHERFUCKING LEONIDAS AND THE MOTHERFUCKING 300 SPARTANS. OR 299 SPARTANS, THE BOOKS NEVER ACTUALLY SAY WHICH IS TRUE. WATCH GREEK GODS FIGHT WITH THEIR ABS VS THE SKIRT-WEARING SUB-HUMAN PERSIANS. THEY WEAR MOTHERFUCKING CAPES CAUSE THEY ARE THE FUCKING SUPERHEROES OF GREECE. WHO NEEDS ARMOUR WHEN YOU GOT ROCK STONE BICEPS AMIRITE? THIS MOVIE SHOWS LEGIT 300 MEN VS MORE THAN 1 MILLION NOT-MEN IF YOU WANT TO PROVE TO YOUR FATHER THAT YOU ARE NOT A DISGRACE BECAUSE YOU DIDN’T MAKE IT TO THE RUGBY TEAM THEN THIS IS YOUR CHANCE.
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HERE YOU GO PANSIES, 10 OF THE MANLIEST MOVIES THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN. WHAT? YOU HAVEN’T SEEN THEM? DO YOU SHAVE YOUR LEGS TOO? THIS IS YOUR CHANCE FOR THE MAN-RACE TO ACCEPT YOU BACK. YOU ARE THE PRODIGAL SON OF THE MANLY MANKIND BUT DO NOT FEAR I AM HERE FOR YOU.

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