Top 10 Movie Sequels as indifferent as the letters “ueue” in “queue”

Written by Vanitas

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There are sequels that will remain in the history of the cinema forever. There are sequels that answered all of our questions giving us a conclusion to an epic saga. And, of course, there are sequels that no one cared about. This is a list about these sequels. To be honest, not all of these sequels failed to appease the audience but I assure you, all of these sequels had no actual reason to be made (besides big earnings of course). And with that note, we shall begin the list. The sequels that Gotham does not deserve and certainly does not need.

Number 10: Fast & Furious
How the hell can ANYONE take this franchise seriously. First of all they haven’t even decided what the name of the series is. No, I mean it. These are the names of each of the 8 (so far) movies: The Fast and the Furious, 2 Fast 2 Furious, The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift, Fast & Furious, Fast Five, Fast & Furious 6, Furious 7, Fast 8. I was going to say “stop beating around a dead horse” but apparently no previous F&F has made more money than the next except from the 3rd entry in the series (2 Fast 2 Furious made $30m more than Tokyo Drift) so I guess I can’t blame the company, but pretty much the fans. What keeps so many people coming back to watch these series? Did anything change since the first entry other than fast cars with hot dudes/dudettes riding them? Can we just agree that there’s no point in making more of these? Thank you.

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Number 9: Resident Evil
We all know the feeling of a bad transition from a book to a movie (Eragon, I am looking at you). But what some of you probably are not aware of is that the transitions from a video game to a movie are even worse. Resident Evil is about a company called “Umbrella Corps” that basically created zombies and the protagonists fight against them. Simple plot, right? In video gaming history this recipe has worked for over 20 years (not all that successful every time, but still most of the games were admittedly good). So how can someone FUCK THIS UP SO BAD. For some reason the protagonist has super powers(???) and the plot derailed more than we could possibly ever imagine. From fighting dozens of zombies to fending off a mini zombie apocalypse almost single-handedly, the series simply lost its charm. They just need to stop trying to imitate the success of the video game and move on to something else before the franchise takes more damage than it actually deserves (we do not talk about Umbrella Corps the video game).

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Number 8: Hangover
Why, why, why. Why was there ever a need for more entries in this series? I watched the first movie and I honestly loved it. An adventure of four friends going to Las Vegas for a bachelor party, the next day they lose the guy that’s supposed to get married so they have to trace back their drunk as fuck night to find him, discovering all the bat-shit crazy things they did, for example stealing a cop car, Mike Tyson’s tiger and apparently…a baby? This was a movie about the epic adventure of these people and somehow they felt the need to keep the series going. The next entries have exactly the same plot, identical jokes and pretty much the same ending. I was sad to see the sequels slowly stabbing the first movie to death with their bad additions to the original. They just needed to stop.

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Number 7: Fantastic Four (The Reboot)
Let’s clarify at this point that I am a Marvel fanboy, which means that whenever Marvel fucks up, a part of me dies on the inside. Let’s be honest and admit now that you probably weren’t fans of the Fantastic Four before this movie either. This entry was the coup de grâce for the series. Bad acting, weird cast, indifferent plot, pretty much a movie no one asked for but still got. The attempt of Marvel to be a little more PC by adding a little colour to the team pretty much failed, but THANK GOD Deadpool came around that time and I have to say, so did I, if you know what I mean. Yes, Deadpool was my favourite character and Ryan Reynolds really did justice to him. Immediately after the huge hype Deadpool created, Fantastic Four 2 was cancelled and Deadpool 2 was approved. Thank God, Marvel didn’t have to suffer through this failure as much as DC does now with BvS. Let’s leave Fantastic Four for now and return to them when this movie is forgotten. Agreed? Nice.

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Number 6: Jaws
You manage to make a movie, so iconic, that everyone knows its soundtrack and has some quotes stuck in their head decades after the release. In an era where CGI is a distant dream, a crew somehow manages to make a movie about a gigantic white shark terrorizing everybody and even though admittedly it’s pretty fake, no one really did care. But for some reason the studio thought that there’s enough plot in this movie to make THREE MORE MOVIES. Of course it didn’t work and we can see that from the box office history, where the earnings from the first movie easily overcomes the earnings of the other three sequels combined. All of that earned the Jaws franchise a place in this list.

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Number 5: The Karate Kid (2010)
“I will teach you real Kung-fu”. Notice anything strange in that sentence? It’s a quote from the movie Karate Kid. K A R A T E K I D. Even though I respect Jackie Chan and I have no problem with Jaden Smith (yeah, apart from the twitter posts), did we really need this “reboot”thingy? Not that the originals were hidden gems or something, I am pretty sure that only a few people followed the sequels till the third entry (whaaat? There are 3 original karate kid movies?) but we can all agree that they were almost cute movies. The kind of movies you will accidentally stumble upon a boring afternoon and you will sit around to watch it with your family and you will enjoy it. The story is simple, the newcomer to the school gets picked around by bullies, falls in love with the head bullies’ girlfriend and a wise master trains him to kick the bully’s ass at the end of the film. Whoops spoiler alert. A reboot we most definitely didn’t need and if we did, it was definitely not that good.

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Number 4: Son of the Mask
I am not going to fool around and try to convince you that the original “The Mask” is a masterpiece of some sort. It was not made to be a masterpiece, that wasn’t its purpose. Its purpose was to enhance Jim Carrey’s ridiculousness (Jim Carrey is my guilty pleasure so don’t think that I am bashing him right now) to the extreme. And they did that quite well. The mask is an iconic comedy figure that merged cartoon movies with live action movies. But eh…this…sequel… No. The series did not need anything more, since without Jim Carrey there’s no mask. Maybe we will see a reboot in the coming years as we saw with so many other “classics” and it will probably be mediocre because of how much we correlate Jim Carrey with “The Mask” but still, it remains to be seen. So far, “Son of the Mask” is NOT the sequel to keep “The Mask” alive.

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Number 3: Speed 2: Cruise Control
Do you remember “Speed” with Keanu Reeves and Sandra Bullock? They were trapped in a bus that was wired with a bomb and if the bus were to slow down the bomb would explode killing every passenger. Pretty action-packed movie that would keep your attention from the start till the end, it was a huge success back in the day so naturally, what would any director with that kind of success do? Remake the SAME EXACT MOVIE but with a twist! No bus this time but a ship. That’s it. That’s the difference of “Speed” and “Speed 2: Cruise Control”. It’s almost insulting when directors do that. Thank God, Keanu Reeves was smart enough to not take part in this “wannabe sequel”.

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Number 2: Pirates of the Caribbean
I will never doubt how spot on Johnny Depp’s performance is on Captain Jack Sparrow, but is that enough to keep Pirates of the Caribbean alive? I am not sure at which entry I feel that it lost its charm. I definitely liked the first movie; it was an amazing mashup of humour, action, great special effects and acting. But don’t you get the feeling that the Pirates are a bit done? It feels as if they are milking a dry cow at this point. There’s just not anything more to it and I feel that we should close this chapter and move on to something else. But, alas, who will listen to an opinion that does not produce money? The Pirates of the Caribbean are scheduled for another movie and I am not even sure if I want to follow it anymore since I have pretty much forgotten whatever happened in the previous films– it just isn’t that captivating anymore. Of course I don’t doubt that the new movie will be a success, the cast is far too prestigious for it to fail but still… I just get the feeling we don’t need more of it.

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Number 1: The Hunger Games
Since when does the last entry of a film HAS to split into two parts? Harry Potter did it, Twilight did it, The Hunger Games did it. Is that a new way to make more money? To be honest, I loved the idea of The Hunger Games. Children surviving in a dystopian land by fighting each other for the entertainment of the bourgeoisie. It’s a pretty good idea, right? The cast is “good” — I think– the studio has the budget, the CGI is good, so what went wrong? Was it because of the return of the Star Wars franchise around the time of the final chapter of the Hunger Games Saga? Is it the horrible fighting scenes throughout the whole series that depicts…children fighting for their lives, yet DOES NOT focus on doing this part right? Is it because the environment doesn’t feel that believable? Is it just a bad book-to-movie transition? For Christ’s shake there’s not even an explanation for how the world came to be in this post-apocalyptic state. All of these together made The Hunger Games saga fail horribly. Even the first movie, which is probably the best one, feels a little bit off. Far too many movies were made for this saga and the result of that was losing the core audience’s interest. It’s always a bit sad to see a franchise with a tremendous success in the form of books fail that hard as a movie.

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This was my list of the Top 10 most pointless sequels. “Honorable” mentions are “The Hobbit: Battle of the Five Armies”, “The Matrix: Reloaded” and “Godfather III”. I could have placed in some Dumb and Dumber or some Scary Movie but I don’t feel that these movies are worthy of any mention since they are made to be stupid and pointless. Did I miss any pointless sequel? Probably. Still you are not missing anything if I didn’t include it in the list, it’s a pretty worthless list after all, right?

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