Written by Yara
We are all gathered here in this cinematographic digital space to rejoice in the glory of cinema. We all have our favorite genres, directors, soundtracks, actors and actresses and everything is good in the world. Then suddenly, you stumble upon a “questionable” film that has your favorite actor or actress in the cast and you think to yourself, “Well, how bad can it really be?“. You then decide to watch this unique masterpiece only to have urges to riot a small town afterwards. This list is dedicated to you, who is willing to accept the ultimate sacrifice in order to demonstrate your undying admiration for your favorite performer. Maybe one day, during an autograph session, you can act like Sebastian in “The Little Mermaid” and throw a lettuce in their faces saying:
1. Freakdog, 2006 (Katie McGrath)
I will start this by saying that I’m not a big fan of horror movies. This is because, most of the times, I find horror movies to be a little …… Meh? However, when I saw my beautiful girl crush as a “gothic” sarcastic medical student I knew I had to watch this.
“Freakdog” is your average elimination “horror” movie. A group of students decides to prank the weird guy in the classroom; it’s all fun and games until the guy passes out and they ditch him in front of the hospital in an alcoholic coma. Things start to get weird when, one by one, the group starts to die in strange ways.
2. Movie 43, 2012 (Kate Winslet)
If I was asked to summarize this movie in two words they would be “MY EYES!!!”
Many people do not know about “Movie 43”, which, considering the high caliber of many of the actors involved is, at least, strange. Kate Winslet is just the tip of the iceberg (no pun intended), the casting director was able to get Richard Gere, Hugh Jackman, Naomi Watts, Gerard Butler, Terrence Howard, Uma Thurman … All together in this one big piece of horrible movie (keep it clean, children).
Yes, keep it clean and refined because this movie certainly will not. This piece is composed of several different sketches of “”””Funny”””” situations in which the characters have the most outrageous reactions.
3. Eragon, 2006 (Jeremy Irons)
Jeremy Irons is the kind of actor who can work with anything; sometimes he is even able to carry the whole cast on his back and deliver an ok movie. However, this is not the case.
Eragon is the film adaptation of the homonymous fantasy book that tells the story of a boy who is destined for greatness after finding a dragon’s egg. Irons’ character is the older mentor with a shameful past that sees in Eragon a chance to redeem himself. Meh.
4. Hope Springs, 2002 (Coling Firth)
Romantic comedies are filled with clichés, that’s an undeniable fact; but what happens when these clichés are not only repetitive but also badly executed?
(Off: please read this with your best movie-trailer-narrator-voice) “Hope Springs” is a story about an artist who is abandoned by his girlfriend and decides to travel to a small town hoping to find inspiration. There, he meets a quirky girl and while they try to find the answers to their social problems, they will end up finding so much more.
Sounds ok, right? But the problem is that the script is very confusing, the character construction is a mess and the whole thing just doesn’t make sense.
5. Jack and Jill, 2011 (Al Pacino)
At the risk of sounding arrogant and condescending… What else could we expect from an Adam Sandler’s movie where he plays a woman? Not much, my dear, not much.
Jack and Jill are fraternal twins and while Jack was able to marry a beautiful woman, have great children and still manage a promising career, his sister was not so lucky. Jack treats Jill as a major inconvenient until the famous star, Al Pacino, develops a crush on her and her clumsy personality.
Yes, Al Pacino plays himself, his lovely passive aggressive self, but still, the film is a catastrophe.
6. The Wolfman, 2010 (Benício Del Toro)
This is a remake of a 1941 film with the same title. It really had everything to be a great production with an incredible cast and an unforgettable transformation scene; however, the script falls short and the plot lacks suspense and really intense moments.
Lawrence Talbot left his childhood house after the death of his mother. However, when the bride of his brother tracks him down to report that his brother is missing, Lawrence returns to his home town determined to find not only the answers to the disappearance, but also the resolution of an ancient family mystery.
7. Satisfaction, 1988 (Liam Neeson)
Do you know that movie that has everything to be great, as long as it doesn’t trie too hard, and as long as it does not take itself too seriously? That movie is “Satisfaction”.
In the summer before graduation, a group of friends decides to pack their instruments and try to impress a great music producer. The group then contemplates de past and the future trying to see if the band and their friendship will survive after graduation.
8. Legion, 2010 (Paul Bettany)
God, believing that the human race it’s not worthy anymore, decides to annihilate all human beings in order to build a better civilization. Contrary to this decision, the archangel Michael descends to Earth to help humanity against God’s plan.
You have to admit that the premise is quite attractive; there are elements that could have been better used to create a complex plot and compelling characters. However, the film doesn’t even try, all action and no story.
9. The Black Dahlia, 2006 (Hilary Swank)
Directed by the acclaimed director, Brian De Palma, “The Black Dahlia” is an adaptation of the neo-noir crime novel by James Ellroy that takes inspiration from the mysterious murder of Elizabeth Short, a crime that shocked the US and that remains unsolved.
The film tells the story of the Black Dahlia through detective Bucky Bleichert’s eyes as he searches for clues and delves deeper into greed tales of betrayal and depravity.
Sounds good, right? But the plot doesn’t really make sense, it tries to be noir but it doesn’t even get close to this, the acting is mediocre at best and the production as a whole is just a huge waste of time.
10. Jonah Hex, 2010 (Michael Fassbender)
One of those comic books adaptations that just doesn’t work. Jonah Hex also had everything to be an amazing movie, the set, the (anti)hero, the villains, the original material, but again the bad script got in the way and generated a huge failure. This film has in its cast two actors that I really love, Michael Fassbender (Fassy, from now on) and John Malkovich, and I’m happy to say that both did an excellent job, but it was still not enough .
The film follows the adventures of DC’s disfigured bounty hunter in the Wild West while unraveling his backstory and internal motivations.
Well, that’s it for today!
If you like list, why not leave a comment talking about that awful movie you watched only because one of your idols on it? After all, if this is not true love, then I do not know what love is.
See you next!
Please, bring coffee.